Goodbye Doesn't Mean Forever, But It Feels Like It!!

I had to say goodbye to many things this weekend. I had to say goodbye to my family and go back to Logan, I had to say goodbye to the way I thought things should always be, and I had to say goodbye to one of my very best friends.

Carson is leaving for the MTC on Wednesday and his farewell was on Sunday, so I went up. We had a great weekend. We hung out Friday and Saturday night just doing nothing but talking and laughing. He did such a good job on his talk! He got nervous and when he gets nervous he starts making jokes, though they aren't always funny :) We went to his house afterward and all I wanted to do was throw myself down on the floor, like I have been doing for years, and talk and have fun. But we couldn't cause everyone else was there. I don't think it actually hit me that he was leaving until about 2 o'clock when we were just sitting downstairs talking. I don't like driving back in the dark so I figured I would leave around 2:30ish and leave home about about 3:30ish. So at about 3 I go to say goodbye and I just start crying. I didn't think I would. But I did. All I kept thinking was I'm so proud of him but I hate that I have to be left behind. See, here's the logic that goes on in my head, it's ok for me to leave for college but it's not ok for anyone else to change and move. These are my friends, they kept me going through high school. We had our ups and downs but in the end we all made it.
So I go to leave and I just can't. So I stayed. And then I would look at the clock and 45 min would have gone by and so I would get really sad again and Carson kept looking at me and kept saying "What?" Even though he knew what. And I would reply "I don't wanna go!" So then I would stay. I stayed until 5 o'clock because he had to go talk to his stake president. Its a good thing too, cause I don't think that I would have ever left if he didn't have to leave. He looked at me and we both knew I had to go. So he asked me if I wanted him to walk me to my car. He has always done that when I leave. I don't remember a time when he hasn't walked me to my car... So he walked me to my car and I started crying again. I gave him one last hug and left. Then I cried in the car. When I got home mom took one look at my face and said "Oh baby." That's all it took and I was crying again.

I honestly didn't think that goodbye would be so hard. I will write to him and just be his friend. I'm so proud of him. Good luck Elder Cox. I will see you when you get home!

Trevin, Tara, Molly, and Carson

December 27, 2011